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​“The Magazine issue has come out to be a fabulous one. I really loved your take on the upcoming fashion and how it is blending with the culture. Truly amazing!” A socialite complimented me and all I could do was just give her my feeble smile. I wanted the party to get over so that I could go back to my home and enjoy the solitude. I took another glass of champagne and whisked it down within a fraction of a second. 

​I was making rounds when my feet froze and I could literally stumble, had it not been a pillar whose support I sought. Standing in front of me was the most beautiful man I had ever laid my eyes on. Dressed in a tuxedo, he looked impeccable. His eyes were on me, I knew it. How? Oh there are times and there are these people whom you don’t have to rely upon your gift of vision. You could feel them. In your body. Like they are present in every cell of yours. Like it isn’t the gravity that is holding and binding you to this Earth, but it is them. 

​Before I made an utter fool of myself again, I walked away. I could sense dismay, anger, frustration on his face but I didn’t give a damn. I was here in that event so that I could celebrate the outrageous success of my first issue of magazine as an Editor and no matter what, I wasn’t going to let him ruin it. 

​“Zenab,” my best friend cum co-founder of the magazine came running to me. Frankly she running and that too in heels wasn’t a good sight, but somehow I knew the reason. “Are you okay?” I arched my eye brow as if I wanted her to divulge more information and she got the cue. “Abhay is here.”

​I took another glass and patted on her shoulder. Even though she didn’t want to, but she knew I didn’t need her at that time. What I needed was a whiff of fresh air. I walked out of that suffocating hall, out in the open and started pacing. 

​“Have you ever seen yourself when you’re upset and you’re pacing?” I froze again. I had my back at him but I didn’t need my eyes to realise who it was. My body knew it. “You seem like a raging bull. In a totally unlady like manner, you are snorting and you seem hell dangerous.”  

​I turned around and plastered the most beautiful smile on my face and asked with etiquettes laden in my sentence. “Can I do something for you Sir?”

​He laughed out loud. But then suddenly he stopped. He didn’t even move an inch still I found myself burning slowly. I could feel the heat the same way you feel when fire is consuming you, not at once but slowly and steadily. Like the fire is savouring you, taunting you. “What’s wrong Zee?”

​“Can I do something for you Sir?”

​“Oh come on. You think with all this Sir business you can make me forget what I feel for you and would realise that you’re merely an employee in one of my ventures? Don’t belittle us. Thinking that I’ll go away isn’t you. Making me keep at an arm’s length from you isn’t going to happen, so stop even wasting your time on it. You’re better than that. I’m not going away, remember that… whether you respond to my calls, emails, messages or not… I’m not going away… so stop driving me away.”

​That was my saturation point. “I’m not driving you away, you are already away…” My tone was the loudest and frankly at that time I didn’t care if anybody heard me. The noises that were going on in my head for so long needed to be put an end to… they were not letting me sleep, they were not letting me function, they had handicapped me. “You are UNAVAILABLE. Do you know why? Because you’re married, because I’m married. It shouldn’t have started in the very first place. We shouldn’t have started in the very first place.”

​The look on his face broke me into million pieces. It felt like I had slapped him hard.

       “So this is about my wife and your husband?”

​God! How could I make him understand? How could I tell him that… “No, it isn’t about anyone of them. I need to go back to the event.”

​“You’re not moving an inch. And if that means I’ve to restrain you in chains, I swear Zee, I would do that without a second thought. So, tell me what’s wrong?”

​He yelled at a voice so loud that for a second my ears couldn’t get any other sound. “What’s wrong is what we have in between us. This attraction, this unending craving and need for each other…”

​“Love… I’m not a bloody chocolate whom you desire to eat but you can’t because you are risking putting on some extra kilos. So, accept it goodamit… what we have in between us is Love.”

​“Okay Love. See I said it. This unending love in between us is wrong. I agree we met; flirted a bit, fell in for each other but now what? You won’t leave your wife; I’m never going to leave my husband, so where do we stand? I work for you every day and then I see you going in the evening. I wait for the next day to come. In case you decide to take an off, or tend to some family issues, I can’t bloody concentrate on my work. My whole life is you. I can’t breathe because I’m waiting for you and the most hurtful part is that this wait never ends. I’m not asking you to run away with me, but the fact that I’m investing in this one side relationship is too much for me. I’m a bloody human. I get disappointed. I wait for the trip that is never going to happen. I smile at your wife at the events while I just wait for you to take away your attention from her once, and look at me as if your life is dependent upon me. So, this is the bloody problem. And now, if we’re done, can I move back to the event?”

​I realised that I was shivering. With great amount of control, I walked away from him. I hadn’t put in a distance in between us when I froze once again. “And you think you’re in this alone? You think only you can’t breathe?” I could hear the footsteps and I knew he was going to stand right in front of me, so that he could have a better look at my face and he did exactly that. “You think you’re the only one who is torn in between all this? You think I relish the fact that I’m swinging two women? You think had there been a way out, I wouldn’t have set it right? You think you’re the only one who is suffering here and I’m enjoying this scenario?”

​I shook my head and tried to say something, when he raised a finger at me. I frowned but kept quiet. I knew he wasn’t finished. My lips were still parted and I was waiting for my turn to speak up when he continued, “Zee, you’re not a kid whom I lured into something without your wish. We’re in this together. You think I don’t want to run away with you even you’re this maddening woman? But you know I can’t and neither can you. And get one thing straight dammit,” he was just inches apart and he was fuming. For a nanosecond, I was afraid of him, of what he might do, but I remained where I was. “I LOVE YOU! With all my heart and soul. I belong to you. I can’t breathe without you and when you think, I’m swinging my wife in events talking to other people, I WATCH FOR YOU. My eyes never leave the sight of you. So stop belittling yourself and thinking of yourself as my mistress because we both know that you’re not that. You know why… BECAUSE I EXIST FOR YOU.”

​He started walking away. I wanted to go behind him and wrap him in my arms but I knew I wasn’t allowed to do that at that time. He turned and spoke once again… “I love you and even though unlike you I don’t say this thousand times in a day… this fact isn’t going to change.”

​By the time, I reached the venue, he was gone. Maybe this is what happens when you stray away from the line. I was bone dead tired, so I also exited quietly. I was sitting all alone in my lavish living room. I could hear faint snores of my husband from the room. I opened the journal he had given me and penned down the following words:

“I wish I had never met him. That man. That married man. If f I hadn't laid eyes on him, I wouldn't have fallen in love. It would just have been one more lonely person on the planet but a lot less pain. If it were a choice who would chose this kind of love? I tried and failed and tried and failed again, to stop loving him but I couldn't. I hate myself for my weakness. Don't ask me to fall out of love from him because if I could I would.”

​I wanted to hear his voice before I could call it off a night. I tried his number. After few seconds, I smiled and turned off my phone. Do you know what I heard… ‘The number you’re trying to reach is either switched off or UNAVAILABLE right now.’