Last Flight... Maybe

 

Even though I had a cup of coffee in my hand, I couldn't relax. I knew my panic attack was just a step away. I was trying to breathe hard. There was still a lot of time, but I could sense it passing really soon. I was still pondering when someone broke my reverie.

"There's a maddening rush. You sure you want to stay here till I board the flight?"

Honestly my reaction was to punch him hard. Make it sure that he falls down on the ground and then kick him in chest. But I've been told that violence is not the answer. So, I sipped my coffee and stared at him as if daring him to speak again. For all those who are right now confused with 'him' and 'I', my name is Inayat and 'him' is none other than the person I love the most but can't have... Kabir.

I've known Kabir for longest years and even though we love each other, destiny had something else in mind. So, here we are- hanging in between 'It's complicated'. Not that we like it, but this our only option so we try to be okay about it. Today, he's going back to his workplace after being in the same city with me for almost a year. And I knew I had to be there with him.

He excused himself on the pretext of a call and I went back to the memory lane with my coffee. Things had never been easy with us. Two strong willed and stubborn people never make a good couple, but then it's the stubbornness that made us stay with each other all these years. He was back within few minutes and sat next to me. I looked at my watch and we still had an hour before he made his way into the airport and gone for... I don't know till when.

I could feel myself on the edge of tears, but showing it front of Kabir would be a grave mistake. He's somehow not capable of showcasing emotions like normal people. He would surprise you with something when you least expect it, but when you expect him to extend a shoulder to cry on... he will snub you completely. I didn't want to fight, so I decided to get into small talks.

"You have packed everything, right?"

"Yes."

"Ummm... your tickets, wallet and everything is with you?

"Wow! I just realized that I didn't have my tickets. Now how will I get into the flight? And as far as the wallet is concerned, it's at home. Why don't you lend me some money? "

And it was his this mean comment that broke the reservoir and a tear trickled down my cheek. "I wonder at times why I even talk to you. You know what? Fuck you. Board that flight and never come back."

Now if you think like a cute guy he would have held my hand and whispered something cute thereby making my foul mood go away... you are wrong. He smiled and suddenly there were two cup of coffees and a brownie on our table. He started laughing and just like that I forgot all my anger.

"Come with me," Kabir said with a dead serious tone. I looked at him and in those few seconds I knew how earnest he was in his request/order. I kept the spoon down and took his hand.

"You do know that it's not possible. Breaking marriage isn't something that we both know. We knew what would be our future. Together... but not really."

He looked away. No matter how much mean and cruel he tries to sound, I knew he felt things not in a regular way. The silence was getting too much to handle.

"I love you Cabby. A lot."

"Thank you Aya," and honestly I again wanted to resort to violence but just a policeman passed and I calmed my instincts.

Seeing my rejected reaction the most unbelievable thing happened. "I want to show you something. I wanted it to be a surprise but I guess the time has come."

I looked at him and he unbuttoned his T-shirt. I blushed to the core and before I could stop him my eyes fell on something and I gasped.

"How? When? Why?" I blabbered.

"I wanted to surprise you." Before he could say anything, I dragged a chair and sat next to him. I looked around making it sure no one was looking at me and get a wrong idea. I closely looked at his tattoo and spoke in a high pitch, "Cupid's arrow? Comeon Cabby, your first tattoo and you went for cupid's tattoo?"

"Well, it's a cupid's tattoo; but there's a hidden meaning behind it. "

I moved my fingers on his tattoo and he shuddered at my touch and held my hand before I could seduce him even more at a public place. "Look at the dots and dashes. They signify that love is not a constant line. Sometimes it's as small as spurts of emotions. Sometimes it's longer like a dash. But I am not lucky to have a line. This is my truth. Like the way I have you. I have you but I don't. I get moments with you. I at times get hours with you. But I don't have you. It's a broken line between you and me. Dots and dashes are the moments of meet... a broken line signifies that we are not together... but we have moments."

He took a break and I was realized that I was holding mine. Seeing that I had his complete attention, he continued. "Do you see the curved line on the top and bottom?" I could just nod my head. "This signifies hugging for me. The upper half is where my arms are wide open and the bottom half is my love for you. So, be it dashes or dots... the hug is complete Aya. So, everyone who gets to see the tattoo, thinks it's a Cupid's arrow. Nobody sees the dots and dashes. But only I know what every stroke is. And now you know it too. I am not saying it's in your dedication Aya. This is my story inspired by us."

I had no idea what to say. I tried not to shed a tear. I just smiled and him and all I could say was, "Thank you Cabby". Before I could say anything, his flight was announced.

"Time to go Aya." The moment he said this I got up and hugged him hard and like Sheldon (Big Bang Theory), he hugged me and refrained from saying 'There, There'. "Just take care ok. I'll message you as soon as I reach. Okay Aya?"

"Yes Cabby. Just take care and come back to me soon. Please."

He smiled and went inside the airport. He turned around and waved at me and it was then my tears started flowing. I found a gift wrap in my bag with a tag- 'For You Aya'. I opened it and saw a framed picture of Cabby's tattoo. I might be good in words by telling him what he means to me and it's frustrating when he doesn't voice his emotions, but what he did for me... for us made me realise how much I mean to him. I wiped off my tears and decided that our story would be going on my wall so that I can look at us and realise that each story is not supposed to be similar. Words are not everytime needed in order to profess love. Sometimes it's about doing things in the least expected way. Sometimes together forever doesn't mean 24*7. It can be in bits and parts but for forever. I don't know if this is his last flight and after that he will be with me forever or there are going to be test of times. Our story is different and we are going to write it in our own way.