Deep Dark Forces

          Diu always fascinated me. Today, when I’ve visited Diu after 6 years it still fascinates me like it did when I came here for the first time. I and my friends decided to relax our brains after our first semester in IIM-A ended. We couldn’t fancy going to Goa because of financial reasons so chose to treat ourselves in Diu with lots of cheap alcohol. While lazing on the Chakratirath Beach, I saw her for the first time.

      We were having fun, playing in the water like we have hailed from drought areas of Rajasthan. The geeks for the first time got a life apart from books and notes. Beach, beer and lots of other captivating things. What more could we ask for? Amidst of this deafening noise she was sitting on the sand and was looking at the vast beach like… like trying to know what secrets it held. I came back to the shore on the pretext of being tired. She had the most beautiful big black eyes I had ever seen. Somehow her eyes made me stop where I was. She kept looking at me. I can never forget that look. It felt like she had the power to look through me. I quickly break the contact.

      This had never happened with me till now. It was unsettling. No matter how friendly I was there was a wall around me to which no one had access. But this girl with one look seems to be standing in the vicinity where I preferred to stand alone. I shook that thought. I told myself it was nothing. But I didn’t realize it at that time. I went back to my friends. But she never moved an inch from where she was sitting. I was intrigued by her. It felt like she didn’t realize that she had people around her. Like she was all alone on that beach, and what she was looking at is still a mystery to me. I knew I had to put an end to all the ambiguity, so I went to her.

       “Hi..” she just gave me a look and turned her attention back to the sea. “I’m Vikram.” She didn’t respond to that also. I invited her to come in the water with us, but she told me that she liked it better there. Even though my proposal was rejected I still couldn’t muster strength to exit from there. It wasn’t like she had the most amazing voice that make the bells ring, but her eyes held some kind of hypnotism. I know it sounds way too cheesy but something are difficult to explain unless and until we have ourselves experienced it.

       “You didn’t tell me your name…”

        I knew I was being persistent but I had no control over it. Without looking at me she replied, “Kashish.” I offered her a drink and she drank it without a word. With the number of girls less in our group she was instantly invited. She even rejected their offer but somehow girls are more persistent than males. So, Kashish had no other option but to comply. Even with uncontrollable chatter she kept on looking at the sea. I still questioned why I felt drawn towards her, but as usual I never got any answer.

        She came to our hotel. She talked so less that I can’t even remember what she said. She just listened with such a rapt attention that it made me frown. Her face didn’t bear any emotion. It felt like she wasn’t present there mentally. But there was one strange thing. Her eyes however said things that I wasn’t able to decipher, but I was clear of one thing… I didn’t want her to go. That did happen. The girls made it sure that she didn’t leave. So, now she was a part of our group. She stayed with us all the time. However, she was always quiet even when she was in company. Although, there were times when she used to bloom like a beautiful flower. When other girls used to do ooohhh, aaahhh at the sight of clothes and jewelry, she used to smile at the sights of birds, dew drops or even butterflies.

        I spent maximum time with her as compared to anyone. I experienced something that I had never felt before. I started vocalizing my deep secrets to her that I never even told my parents about. She on the other hand was a patient listener. I clearly remember the night. Everybody was in boy’s room, and due to excess food and alcohol everyone slept where they found place. I and Kashish were awake. I still don’t know if it was the alcohol or the fact that I was mesmerized by her I started telling her about the most difficult phase of my life. I told her about my sister who died at a very tender age, though the marks of her loss were still fresh in my mind.

      I told her about how we used to have fun, the way she used to tease me and out of everyone else in my family not only I was real close to her but somehow loved her not like my sister but like my own baby. Kashish listened to me and hugged me hard. It was a strange feeling; the tears that I kept within me for so long started flowing as the waters were restrained from the dam.  She even whispered that everything was going to be all right.

         I had no idea when I slept. The moment I woke up I saw her looking out of the window. We were supposed to leave back for our monotonous lives in next 24 hrs. “I’ve to go tomorrow.”

        She looked at me and smiled. That day was all fun but I was upset and felt restless. However, she was more cheerful than usual. The night took its toll and I promised myself that with the first ray in morning I’ll ask her to come with me. However, the next morning when I got up instead of finding her in the girl’s room I found a note that bore her handwriting and a simple word written on it ‘Bye.’ I tried to search her but it felt like she vanished into thin air. I neither had her number or address. My friends were sympathetic but even I knew that she was gone.

       Time flew in a fraction of second for everyone. However, Kashish took a piece of me that never again let me feel complete again. It wasn’t like that I fell in love with her. It wasn’t like that I never had a girlfriend after she left me. But still, I felt like she still clung to me. Like we were still bound in an umbilical cord. After finishing my MBA, I got a job in Bangalore. Life was good, but still it lacked something. One day, I got a call. It was from an orphanage, and the sister had asked me to come there at the earliest.

      I didn’t like the feeling. I don’t know why but I felt like the ties were cutting lose. I reached Ahmedabad by first flight. I was led into a room. I saw Kashish lying there. I was face to face with her after 6 long years. She looked at me and smiled and gestured me to come to her. I sat right next to her. She didn’t say a word to me but held my hand. I wanted to ask where had she gone but somehow those words didn’t matter. She meekly said sorry. I was caressing her forehead and she looked content. Suddenly I looked in her eyes. They were so accessible. I could almost read every emotion present in it. I smiled at her and I knew that it the time has come when all the knots in the string got free. I knew I could let her go. Moreover, I knew it now that I had always loved her and will do the same.

        The orphanage staff gave me her diary. She had lost her parents, suffered molestation at a very tender age. She slipped into depression. It was then when she met me. I came back to Diu again. All my life I never believed that sometimes people can connect to you beyond your body. In these 6 years she didn’t only remain connected to me but became a voice in my head and essential part in my system. She taught me the true meaning of being with someone beyond forever. Maybe Deep Dark Forces are present in us that link us to one such person with whom we can’t break our connection irrespective of the fact that whether they are with us or not.