It’s Not Over

 I checked into the first class lounge. Abhay and his friends made themselves comfortable while I tried to find a decent cup of coffee. No doubt the ambience, mood and probably food also looked delectable, still I could sense that coffee wasn't upto the mark. As if figuring out my disappointment, Abhay spoke, "Zainab, why don't you get a cup of coffee for yourself? You need it before flying." I smiled and felt like hugging him. He knew that not only I wanted coffee, but I also wanted to be alone for sometime while our friends enjoyed drinks and we officially start our vacation. "That would be perfect. There's still a lot of time for boarding, I'll get my coffee by then." I spoke and didn't wait for a single second for the rest of the persons to try to convince me. 

I quickly paved my way to Starbucks, ordered a cup of coffee and secured a table for myself. Once seated I checked my watch and the boarding wouldn't be starting for another 2 hrs. Frankly I was more than happy to have this time all by myself. I was drinking my coffee and engrossed in my favourite book when I heard a voice that I can never forget. I didn't look up because I didn't want to break that bubble. I kept reading my book but after a few seconds I could sense that a pair of eyes were seeing right through me.

I smiled and without craning my neck, "Come and join me rather than making the hair on my nape stand." The chair was pulled. I could see the sturdy hands. Hands and fingers that I can never forget. As they have not only just held me in times of need but they have explored me the way no one has. Finally I came face to face with the man I was meeting after ages. 

"Hi Kabir," I tried to greet him with confidence hoping that the quiver in my voice doesn't give any hint otherwise. 

"Either you saw me entering or you have eyes at your back. How the hell you knew it was me?" "Well because even today no one's gaze makes me uncomfortable and at home at the same time." 

He smiled and so did I. We were seeing each other after ages. Frankly didn't even know how many years it had been. However, it felt like yesterday when we used to meet, make plans and even if not out openly secretively used to confess our love for each other. His name was announced and he got his drink. "This must be some out of the blue smoothie," I made a sarcastic comment. He had a sip and to irritate me further replied, "The best I have ever had." I looked at the smoothie and then the challenge that his eyes posed. Oh how I loved those hazel brown eyes. I took a sip and a gag reflex came upon me. I muttered a curse and went back to my coffee. 

For a few moments we were both quiet. "Vacation or work?" I finally asked. "Work. We have a project so going to London for a few months. What about you?" "Vacation. Abhay' friends and their wives wanted to have a vacation. So Europe was zeored on." I looked at him shyly knowing that the realisation had dawned on us that we might be in the same flight. "So where's Abhay?" Kabir need not say it but I know that the moment he talked about Abhay, his whole demeanor changes. "Well his vacation has started. So he's in the lounge with his friends drinking and smoking. Where's your wife?" 

Unlike Kabir, I never call his wife by his name. It's my way of reminding myself that he chose to be with her and not me. "She's in the lounge too. I wanted to explore so was roaming around and saw you." The conversation was back to an awkward position. I needed distance where we could sit and at least talk without being interrupted. I saw a vacant sofa at the corner and as if on my cue, he looked in that direction too. Kabir took our drinks and moved there while I collected my bag and book. 

We could have sit on opposite sofas but without vocalising it, we decided to sit beside each other. Even after so many years, we still knew each other damn well. Kabir and I loved each other. There was no denying of the fact. But our love wasn't the kind of love that settles with the tide. In our relationship, we both were the stones that created ripple effect every now and then. The love tried to survive it. But when the people are hell bent on breaking it, the love gives up. Same thing also happened with us. Two strong minded people with different idealogies were not able to come on a mutual ground. 

So after years of trying, we both gave up on each other. I found Abhay and married him. Kabir found his wife and he also married. Did we stop loving each other? No! Did we stop hating each other for breaking us? No! Did we forget each other? Well the expressions and the need that I could see in Kabir eyes screamed that even he wasn't able to forget me. My coffee had ended. And weirdly rather than feeling rejuvenated, I felt exhausted. Probably the emotional aspect of seeing Kabir was too much. As usual Kabir's arm was on the sofa back. Without thinking, I just rested my head on his arm. It felt natural. Feelings don't understand that you are meeting someone after five years. What I felt while my head rested on his shoulder was exactly what I used to feel when after an exhaustive day I used to close my eyes and contemplate where I was going in life. Even Kabir reacted as if the time was rewind five years back. He closed the minute distance in between us so that my head could rest on his arm properly rather than on his arm bone. With the same hand he nuzzled my arm as he knew it would help me unwind. 

"We shouldn't have broken the contact," I whispered. "Yes, we shouldn't have. These five years have been difficult." Kabir's statement was meant for both of us. Even though today I am with the best guy that I could have got, still heart wants what the heart wants. And somehow even after all these years, it still pines for Kabir. This felt easy. This felt home. Even though our respective spouses were just meters away from us chilling in the lounge, still none of us felt any kind of guilt or remorse. You can call it cheating and maybe it was too. But then it just didn't matter. I snuggled close to Kabir. Even though we were at a public place, still for the first time he held me so tight as if he was scared that I would slip through his fingers. I looked at Kabir and he was looking at me intently. I kissed him softly, but the minute our lips touched, they parted giving our tongues the access. I could feel his tongue toying inside my mouth. It took all amount of restraint that I had to not sit on him and let him have me then and there. We broke the kiss. Not because we wanted to, but because we had to. I put some distance in between us. 

I took my phone and called him. My number flashed on his screen. Five stubborn years. We both held on to each other's numbers but didn't contact. "Message me. I want to be in touch," I spoke. I gave him back his phone. "And one more thing. It's not over. We're not over." I kissed him lightly on lips. I was about to move away when he pulled me back face to face with him. He looked at me earnestly and in those few seconds we both felt myriad of emotions. He kissed on my forehead. It was his way of affirming that we were not over. 

My phone rang. It was Abhay. I picked it up. "Zainab less than half an hour left for the boarding to start. Get a cup of coffee for yourself or you will feel sick during the flight." I finished the call and moved towards the counter to get another coffee for myself. However, it was already ready. Kabir had already ordered it for me. I took the coffee and went to the lounge. 

Kabir was checking out with his wife, while I was going on. For a brief second our eyes met and it felt as if I saw him mouthing 'I love you'. I brushed off the idea and joined my gang. Within no seconds my phone beeped. 'I had said exactly what your brain registered that I might have said'. I smiled and went to the boarding gate with Abhay. We entered the plane and I saw Kabir and his wife already sitting in the same flight. I bit my lip. Maybe we really weren't over.