Punishment

I felt a bit cold and sneakily I touched my icy cold feet with Angad’s uber hot ones. Rather than flinching, he wrapped his feet with mine, so that I could warm up. I grinned from ear to ear. After all this is what he always does. Wraps up my flaws in himself. I got out of the quilt and icy cold wind welcomed me. My clothes... damn I didn’t know where they were. I tried to find Angad’s shirt but I’m sure after our fervent love making, it would have been lying somewhere in the room. My feet touched the cold tiles and I muttered a curse. Quickly I ran to the washroom and got myself a robe. No doubt it was over sized, but it served the purpose. Angad was sleeping peacefully and I felt like going back to the bed, waking him up and losing myself again, but then work was calling. 

I switched on my laptop and started writing the travel blog that I had left in between shamelessly as making love to Angad at that time seemed more important. It was just 1 am and I thought that the blog would be written well with a steaming cup of coffee. I poured myself a religious amount of coffee and wore my fake but stylish glasses. I logged into my email account and while searching for something, my hands literally froze. 

The name sounded familiar but it felt like a distant memory. Or was it a memory? What would you call a thought that you think about daily only to remind it that you’re nothing else except a memory. Will you call it a memory or will you call it a present thought. I went back to my blog. After all it had to be completed. But I couldn’t write. Not a single word. Not a single letter.

Damn! Not again. I scolded myself. I looked at my coffee. A few minutes ago the cup that felt like an orgasmic vent out, now just felt like a simpleton coffee cup. I swiftly got up from my sofa in search of something strong, when again my feet touched the cold ground. ‘Fuck!’ I wanted to scream out loud, but kept my voice in check. I looked around for whiskey and then realised that we had finished it while marvelling the beauty of Kasol. There was a pack of cigarette lying on my bed stand. I hastily drew out one. 

The best thing about my travel was (except from company and place) was that my balcony offered a stunning view of the mighty Himalayas. I went to the balcony and with a mug of coffee and cigarette in my hand; I nestled on one of the chairs. My legs were on the table. My robe had parted and my thighs were naked. But then the journey I was going to embark would make me complete naked, what difference would naked thighs make?

The air was chilly. But then it was my punishment. Punishments are meant to be harsh. They are supposed to torture your soul so much that not even a ray of divinity is allowed to pass through you. I turned on my recent favourite song ‘Aye Kuch Abr’ and let the chilly wind torture me. After all his thought was no less than a torture to my soul. 

They say that Lucifer had made a deal with devil and hence, was subjected to life long suffering. Well, my case is not that exhausting except for the fact that life long suffering is something that I’ve opted for too. It was nobody’s fault or probably it was mine. I should have accepted the fact that relationships end. I wasn’t ready to accept this fate for my relationship and it was then I was destined for my doom. He... I can very easily name him, but it’s kind of sacred. Like a chant. Not many of you will understand. So, let him remain ‘He’ only. This way at least I’m torturing myself further. 

So, he and I were poles apart since the beginning. Someone who were never supposed to be together. Still we defied nature once. And I started thinking that this would be purpose of our relationship. Anyways, we remained together only to understand it later that we’re drifting apart. My coffee had finished and my cigarette had turned into ashes. I folded my legs, thereby letting the rob slid a bit more. I could have easily covered myself, but I didn’t. Not because I was sure that at around 1:30 am no one could see me, but because I was comfortable with my nakedness. His thoughts (my nakedness) were a part of me which I tried to cover (denial that he existed) at times, but not today. 

So, long story short. We ended. At a bad note. Ever seen a paper on which you have scribbled something, but then you don’t want others to see it, so you cut the text with lines. And many times even after doing that, you’re scared if the text is visible, so you tore the paper so that no chance is left for anyone to make out what was written on that note. We did the same thing. Two angry people harmed each other to such an extent so that there was no turning back. 

Before Angad came into my life, I had been in an emotional turmoil. Saying that my life is sorted would be completely wrong. But the man who’s sleeping inside, untangle the knots to a great extent. More than love, it’s a mutual need that we feel for each other. Like he said once- ‘love fades away, but it doesn’t happen with need.’ We’re both in a total different zone right now, but it’s our mutual need for each other that binds us. He reminds me of my mother whom I need at every step. A tear trickled thought he corner of my eye. Not at the thought of ‘Him’, but at the thought of my mother. 

I could have gone into full sobs, had I not felt an ease at the touch of a hand. I felt compassionate yet strong fingers massaging my neck. Arousing me. Making my worries and sadness melt. 

“You should be on the bed,” I murmured while being washed by a tide of calmness.

“So should have been you,” he spoke while nibbling my neck. 

I let out a small cry. The mighty Himalayas were still standing rock tall. The valley was lit with thousands of lights. Even my darkness was being replaced with a ray of bright light. In the background the song continued, while he put my racing thoughts to a rest.

I was lying in his lap, while his fingers played with my hair. He was smoking a cigarette while I moved my fingers on legs. The song still played in the background. Maybe life was about punishment and for the first time I didn’t mind facing the sentence. I looked at him and Angad was looking at my face fondly. I kissed him again and it was my cue to him to love me in his own way.