Broken is Beautiful

The voices were distinct in the background. The sound of tides had muffled the cries of zealous men and women who were partying hard in the shack. Kiara looked around and soon found a spot. She was away from the crowd, still very much within the sight. She didn’t want to sound rude, but she knew she didn’t belong with the group of her over-zealous, party lover office people. She wanted this time for herself... just herself. 

Within no matter of time, she realised Anant was coming towards her. She laughed inwards. Even though the new column writer tried to convince everyone that he was a party lover, in reality he was a recluse. With a joint in his hand, he was also figuring out where he could sit and just get lost in this wilderness. He looked at Kiara and smiled awkwardly. Kiara turned her attention back to the sea. And Anant, well he made himself comfortable just inches away from Kiara. 

The sea looked beautiful. It was difficult to fathom it, raging, calm, hiding so many secrets in it, deceptive, alluring, asking you to explore it but at the same time warning you that if swept along you won’t be able to find your footing. Dressed in a long maxi, Kiara knew that she was getting wet but somehow it didn’t matter. Anant was sitting beside her quietly. He offered him a joint. On any other day, he would have got an earful from Kiara, but don’t know what came on to her. She kept her whiskey glass aside and took a puff. Being a no smoker, it was a futile effort and it made Anant laugh out loud. Kiara liked the sound of his laugh. She smiled too. He turned to look at her and wiped off the slight trace of ash from her lower lip. Kiara looked at him, felt him, but remained quiet. Soon both of them turned their attention back to the sea.

“I hope you don’t mind if I sing. Weed makes me go in trance and I tend to losen up myself. If you want I can go a little away so that you don’t get to hear it,” Anant whispered.

Kiara looked at him and didn’t say a word. It was an approval from her side and thankfully Anant realised it. He started singing. Kiara couldn’t place the song, but it was soothing and mesmerising at the same time. Kiara felt herself getting washed by the tide, tide of her memory, memory that she most of the time kept hiding from everyone but every now and then, she used to open the box and smell the fragrance that was still intact. 

Kiara lay down on the sand. The water was washing her completely but Anant’s voice and the environment was playing tricks with her. She found her life rewind and suddenly she was face to face with Anirudh. They say you meet people at the most unexpected time of your life and those are the people who stay with you forever. Anirudh was one of them. They had both met each other reluctantly after their professor had taken a grudge out on them. Kiara, the most obedient, punctual, organised Mass Com topper was teamed with an irresponsible (only with her), lazy (only with her), rude (only with her) and obnoxious photographer. They were both supposed to cover an event and it was on the basis of that presentation that their job was dependent. 

Fast forward to the next 10 years and Kiara was happily settled with Anirudh. Were they dating? Were they in love? Were they married? These questions never mattered to them. All they knew was they loved each other. Still being in two different cities didn’t let them worry about their relationship for once. However, just like destiny they also knew that they don’t belong together. It wasn’t petty fights that let them separate. From Kiara side, she was tired of harbouring so much love for Anirudh. Kiara had always loved Anirudh unconditionally and she was damn happy about it, however even she didn’t know when that unconditional love became her obsession. Kiara, who used to be so assured of Anirudh’s love was now trying to read in between the lines so that she could stumble upon one fault and prove that her insecurities and fears were right. Anirudh on the other hand, never wanted to prove anything to her. Neither he proved his love, nor did he prove his innocence. He gave the autonomy to Kiara to decide what she wanted, to feel what she wanted and Kiara started feeling lonely in her own love web. She loved Anirudh to the core, but she somehow had started loving that web too. Anirudh never wanted to be sucked into that web. So he made it sure that she watched him leave. Step by step. And even Kiara knew that he would leave and one day he did. With no backward glance! He left in a way as if he never existed.

Initially Kiara tried to feel bad, but within no time she realised that she felt liberated. She had reached a point in her life wherein she had faced six shades of love for Anirudh. Attraction, Infatuation, Love, Reverence, Worship, Obsession.Now she was desperately waiting for her seventh shade i.e. Death. She knew in her heart that she hadn’t stopped loving Anirudh. She knew that she never would be able to. Initially she tried to hate him, but it messed up with her psyche. Her nightmares increased and she knew that it was the time to make peace with her feelings. To be okay with the fact that her love for Anirudh knows no bounds and somehow she was thankful that he left. 

This past year, Kiara had learned only one thing. That she couldn’t exist without Anirudh, so hating him wasn’t an option for her anymore. There were times that she couldn’tbreathe without him. That the woman she was without him was —nothing. The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains. And that’s the day, you know it’s time to move on. Kiara knew it too.

However Kiara knew that she was no damsel in distress too. So, she rose above herself, above her love for him. Today she was an Editor in a magazine house and very soon she would be Editor-in-Chief. She was happy. Happy to a great extent, but then there were times like these when she felt that void in her life. The void that Anirudh created and the fact that none of them did anything to fill it.

Anant had stopped singing a long while ago. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was looking at her. Passion? Yes there was passion. Lust? Nah! Kiara’s dressed was drenched and was slick like her second skin. But she wasn’t ashamed. “You sing nicely. I can see girls were right about you.”

Anant laughed again. They both shared a strange relationship. It felt like they both knew each other at a level unknown to others. He looked at her while taking a drag and asked, “Who was he?”

Now it was Kiara’s turn to laugh. “The one about whom you’re thinking while singing the song.” They both became quiet. It was getting darker and sea was getting scarier. The background cries had disappeared. Everyone had left for the hotel. It was just Kiara and Anant. “When did the others leave?” Kiara asked in surprise.

“Somewhere during the time when you were thinking about him and I was lost in her,” his reply was instant. Kiara swigged from her glass and gave him some. Anant gulped the contents and spoke instantly, “You know I’ve always kind of liked you.”

Kiara knew she had this effect on men. And somehow it had stopped mattering to her anymore. She looked at him and quizzed her eyebrow. Before she could voice her thoughts into a question, Anant spoke, “Broken is beautiful and I’ve always been fascinated by broken things or be it person.”

“Only broken people can see beauty in broken things. So, does that mean you’re broken too?”

“Not broken, but scattered I would like to say. Whatever was wrong, I tried to fix it. I asked her to wait but she didn’t and now thinking about it, I’m so glad that she didn’t.”

“You still love her, don’t you?” kiara knew she didn’t need an answer. Anant tried to take a drag but sadly the joint was over. “As they say, you don’t forget the face of the person who was your last hope.”

Both of them looked at each other for a second and then looked back at the sea. Suddenly Kiara felt his fingers entwining hers. Kiara smiled. She knew two broken hearts had found each other. Those hearts were not looking for love, they already were overflowing with it; all were they looking for was solace. Both Kiara and Anant sat there hoping that the dark night would end and the ray of light would touch their souls that had been living in darkness for eternity.