Dusk Till Dawn

           I slammed the door of my car shut. “Take me to the airport, right now.” The driver looked in my direction as if was about to interject when I raised my finger and the tone at the same time, “That too without a question.”

            That was his cue to shut up and keep the car moving. I dialed a number. “Get my tickets to Kerala done right away. I’m heading to the airport straight away and yes pack a bag for me. I don’t give a damn what are the contents, just pack something and meet me at the airport.” I didn’t wait for any question or any query. I was furious as hell and I wanted sometime to cool off.

            The day had started at a different note. I was damn excited. I was on the verge of completing the last minute designs and within a week I was supposed to showcase them to the director of a film. But, as usual the day didn’t pan out as I was hoping. It all started with a call. While the car skimmed its way towards the airport, I closed my eyes as if to save my eyes from emitting fire.

            “Guys, hurry up and work off dedicatedly for another 24 hours and trust me I’m going to give you all a grand party after this huge success.” I chimed as I wandered from one table to another inspecting the details and my designs. I was always high whenever I saw my vision turning into reality. I was still reeling over the fact that soon I would be showcasing my work to the world, when my world crashed right in front of me. My phone beeped and the moment I saw the name, my mouth turned sour. It felt like I had a neat shot of scotch. I disconnected the call, but it started ringing again that too without even giving me a minute to breathe. I walked towards my cabin and decided to take the call and get done with it.

            “Hello, what can I do for you?”

            “Get yourself to me.” There was no greeting associated with the call. Just a husky voice that made the hair on my nape stand.

            “I’m busy. So, bye.”

            “Cool, I’ll come to you then.” I knew the threat wasn’t idle. So, I didn’t take a chance to disconnect the call. I pinned the phone closer to my ear. I was breathing heavily and fast. “You know that I can do it. Plus, it would be amazing to meet your team and congratulate them.”

            I muttered a curse under my breath. I could sense a smile crawling on his lips. Somehow I could also imagine him lounging on the chair, while here I was panting. I disconnected the call. I closed my eyes and I knew what had to be done. Without a word to my team, I picked my bag and yelled, “Keep the work going on, I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

            How I reached the place, I don’t know? Who gave my driver the address, I’m clueless. All I knew was that like a wounded tigress, I prowled on my prey. It was a swanky office and somehow I knew it like I’d been visiting it for ages.

            “Hello Ms Ria, how are you?” the so called secretary tried to strike a friendly conversation.

            But I was anything but friendly. “Is he in there?”

            “Yes mam. Can you please wait here while I tell him that you want to see him?”

            I don’t know why she stood up, probably because she realised what was on my mind when my stride didn’t slow down. “You...,” I dared her with my finger and the colour left her cheeks, “stay right there. And for goddsake sit down.”

            And she did. I opened the door and closed it with a bang. “WHAT?”

            And there he was. Sitting on the chair behind a big mahogany table as if he owned the place and the world. He straightened and his eyes measured every inch of me. I faltered under his gaze. It was too intense but somehow I held myself together. He had a faint smile on his lips, the one you have after you have won a contest but you don’t want to show off. “Hey Ria.” The way he said my name everytime made my skin tingle. For a few seconds, there was no other activity in that big office. Just the sound of our breathing. I was panting and he... as if nothing had happened.

            “WHAT?” I threw my purse on the floor. I cringed seeing my favourite bag lying mercilessly on the floor. But I had to do it. Had to break that intense gaze contact. Had to create a sound that could envelop my panting and show that he had no effect on me. Angry was good. Yes I should be angry.

            “I heard you for the first time Ria. Sit down.”

            Oh I could have sat down. It was something about Abhigyaan that made me comply, that brought an obedience streak in me. No matter how much I hated it, but he did bring out a different reaction out of me. “Tell me what you want from me and let’s get done with it. So, I’m going to ask you for the last time. What do you want?”

            “You. I thought you knew that.”

            The utter frustration that I felt at that time was something that I couldn’t describe. “I don’t have time for this. Bye.” I bent to pick up my bag and before I had turned and aimed towards the door, his voice halted me again, “You move out of the room and I’ll figure out another way to be with you. So decide whether you want to talk to me here in this closed room or want to create a scene.”

            I closed the distance in between few strides and bend down on the table. Amused, he leaned towards me. It was strange. The connection, the frustrating yet undeniable attraction was something that was driving me crazy. I reminded myself that I wanted to say something. “I’m not free. I’ve people working for me who need me and I can’t come here whenever you call me. And understand one thing for straight… you don’t summon me.”

            I walked away. The anger was making me nervous, but more than anger it was his closeness that was making me nervous. I didn’t want to be vulnerable. Didn’t want him to see that he could hurt me in any way. I stood beside the big window. His office presented a beautiful way. The whole world lay in front of him. I leaned against the glass, as if trying to relax myself. He handed me a glass of water. He knew what I needed. He always knew and the fact unsettled me. “I haven’t summoned you. I wanted to see you and there was no other way you would have met me after what happened last night.”

            There! He had said it. Last night. He knew it. Without me even uttering a word, he knew. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” I tried to walk away from there when his hand steadfast on my wrist.

            “Don’t behave as if I don’t know you, okay. Save yourself from feeling that stupid. You know that I know you as my second skin. So, explain what the hell happened last night.” His tone scared the daylights of me. I looked at his hand on my wrist. The hold was loose enough not to leave any kind of mark, but strong enough to keep me in place. I looked at him growling. He had a scowl on his face. From a distance, we might look like two animals that were ready to get into an ugly fight and it was true.

            It’s been 4 years that I’ve known Abhigyaan. He’s a hot shot businessman and I, fashion designer. We met at a social event and since then we have known each other. It was Abhigyaan’s ambitious streak that caught my attention and in his case it was my ‘I Don’t Give A Shit Attitude.’ We met a few times and… don’t know what we’re now. People say we’re together. Maybe we’re or maybe we’re just fooling each other. I’ve told him many times that two possessive and angry people can never be together but then proving me wrong is what he is hell bent upon. From the past 6 months we have been living in together and the number of times we have wanted to kill each other have been more than we have had beautiful moments.

            I was still quiet and growling. His gaze softened a bit and he asked me again, “Tell me what happened last night, and I won’t ask again.”

            “I’m sure your memory will serve you just right.” I broke the grip of his hand on my wrist and walked towards his chair and sat on it. He shook his head as if he had enough and sat on the chair opposite to me.

            “Ria, I hate it and you know it. So tell me right now because as far as I can remember after making love to you as if nothing else existed on this planet, I remember us going to a charity function where I was supposed to give away a speech and by the time I finished, you were no longer sitting in the chair where I left you and as usual you didn’t end up coming home too.”

            Home! What a beautiful one letter word it is! A safe place, a place where you can go and hide from all your sorrows. Yes, I remember every faint detail of last night. How he made me melt in his arms, how we both were a topic of appreciation and jealousy at a top notch event and what happened afterwards that made me leave the event without even saying a word. All my suppressed anger and frustrations were back.

            “What was Mitali doing there?”

            That stupid grin that I’m in love with was back again but within a flash it turned into pure anger. “It was a bloody business event, so everyone was there. And you tell me you left because you couldn’t handle the girl I’d fling with long time ago?”

            “How convenient.” That was all I could say and before I could get up, I heard a click on the door. I looked at him with questioning eyes and he replied, “The doors are locked and won’t be opened till we’ve had a word about this.”

            “What do you want to know?”

            “The reason Ria. You never do anything without a reason.”

            The reason! What should I tell him that why I got so pissed off seeing him with Mitali? Should I tell him that I get super frenzy jealous when his attention moves towards anyone? Or should I confess I realised that I would never be able to give him the intellectual satisfaction that at times he craves for, that I can never light up his eyes the way it lighted when he talked about some stupid merger with Mitali as well as his other associates or should I tell him that no matter how hard I try, it always feel that I’m an outsider in his world. The girl whom he is fucking right now, with whom he shares a home and who has no idea what he feels for her?

            No! I couldn’t tell him all this. Couldn’t risk myself to feel this vulnerable. This thing started in between two head strong people, I can’t become weak just because I’ve developed feelings for him. I don’t want to be the vulnerable one, so that when he leaves its normal and doesn’t feel like the Sun hasn’t risen and I’m in perpetual darkness. I can never let him how needy or attached I’ve become. That when he says my name, my heart skips a beat every time. That the way he looks at me makes me believe he wants more just like me. That he is slowly and steadily making me and wanting me that we look like a couple. “You know what, I need to leave. I’ve got tons of work that I need to finish.” I realised that he hadn’t moved an inch. I was close to breaking down and I couldn’t let it happen. I got up and looked at the door, “Abhigyaan, open the door now.”

            He remained there seated. “We’re over. Whether you like it or not, we’re done. This was a mistake from the very beginning and it’s about time that we should realise it. I’m not a doll in your closet whom you take out when you are feeling bored, lonely or when you want to show off and neither I’m the girl whom the guy gets in the end of the movie even if he hasn’t got out of the couch. And since this is how I’ve been feeling with you from the past sometime, I think it’s better to end it. Now open the goddamn door or I’m calling security.”

            Our gaze remained steadfast. I heard the click and it made me blink. I straightened up got my bag and walked out. I had almost reached the airport. The anger had vanished a sense of loneliness had crept in. “Raju, I’m sorry. Take this money and I’ll let you know when to pick me.” My driver smiled and my guilt lessened a bit. Sofia, my assistant, my friend, my pillar of strength was waiting for me at the gate with a bag and cup of coffee.

            “I’m sorry Sofia for yelling.” She smiled meekly and handed me my bag, coffee and ticket.

            “You will let me know as soon as you land right?” there was a hesitation in her voice.

            So what if Abhigyaan didn’t love me, there were other people who did. “Of course. You’ll be the only one with who I’m going to be in touch and in my absence I want you to handle everything. I just need to get out of here.” And I did. Before I could think about anything else, I had reached Kerala. My resort was free from the maddening crowd and this was what I wanted. I wasn’t running away but just taking some time off. I missed him thoroughly. Abhigyaan had become a big part of my life but I still loved myself a little more than I loved him. I knew I deserve more and I wouldn’t settle for less. No matter how painful it was, keeping myself happy was my responsibility too.

            I ordered a sumptuous room service for myself. After taking the much needed hot water soak, I decided to relish my food when I saw a note lying next to the tray. I unfolded it and in a neat handwriting only one line was written- ‘We are never going to be over. Get that straight. From Dusk Till Dawn’

            I was stunned, not because Abhigyaan had found me somehow I knew he would but saying the exact line that I was thinking too. My phone rang and with anticipation I received the call.

            ‘Ria…’ the husky voice greeted me again and I knew what I wanted. We remained quiet for sometime and then I broke the silence, “I’ve ordered dinner enough for a team. Come upstairs.”