Prem Mein Tohre

Prem mein tohre aisi padi main

purana zamana naya ho gaya.

 I so love this melodious track. I stopped my car at the side because I knew while driving I would not be able to do justice to the song. Even though I have a diverse playlist ranging from soulful music to hard core to ghazals and what not, still there are times, especially when I am driving that I turn towards these soulful songs. I checked my watch. I was still ahead of time. I could easily lose myself in the soulful lyrics for few minutes.

Still call it excitement or my obsession towards being punctual, I reached the venue way before time. It had started to drizzle so I had no other option but to wait in the restaurant. I hurriedly walked towards the restaurant in order to prevent myself from getting drenched. The restaurant had newly opened and from the reviews the food was to die for. I knew I was way before time, so I decided to treat myself with a fresh lime soda.

My phone was continuously ringing and I deliberately wasn't paying attention to it. Working as a Creative Head had its own pros and cons. No doubt the work is damn challenging and rewarding but the fact that you have no personal life and everyone depends upon you for the ideas is very frustrating. I dropped a screaming message with shouty capitals that I'm on off and no one should disturb me. I looked at my watch, just few more minutes and then the wait will end.

Living away from my family was my choice and that choice had a very good reason behind it too and it was none other than Jai. We met through a common friend and fell in love. The late 20's love blossomed into a matured 30 relationship. We both could have plunged into matrimony however, for both of us our careers were damn important. So, the moment Jai got a better opportunity in Mumbai, I looked for a job too and shifted my base here. A long term relationship? Nah. Not for me.

I checked my watch again. He would be here any minute. Even though we lived in the same city, moving together was something we were still pondering upon. It wasn't like that we didn't want to but then don't know why none of us suggested it. However, today meet was all about to take the next step only and frankly I was excited and scared at the same time. Loving Jai passionately was one thing but living with his tantrums would be a complete roller coaster ride.

"Ma'am, what would you like to order?" the waiter startled me.

"Ummm... I'm waiting for somebody. Will let you know the moment he comes." I checked my watch. Again late! I had got used to of the fact that Jai could never reach anywhere on time. And the fact that he was always forgiven for this grave mistake he had kind of started taken it for granted. 'Ohk, don't be angry. You're just jittery because today you guys are going to take a big step. Hold on, he'll be here any moment.'

 The mantra worked and I calmed myself. Jai worked as a travel writer. It was his insane love towards books and travelling that hooked me to him in the first place. Always on the quest of getting better, off lately he was even trying his hand in photography and writing books. His travels made him super busy due to which he was out of the city for a good part of the month. The rest of the time, his other engagements kept him busy but he somehow or another always had time for me. I checked my watch again. He was 45 minutes late and till now there was no sign of him. I called him up but as usual it was busy. The waiter like me was getting impatient now.

Ours was never a mushy mushy romance because we both lived in reality and maybe that was the fact that we were still going strong. However, we never compromised on spending time with each other. We knew just like our careers, our relationship was also very important so we always ended up making time for each other. Although, lately things had gone in for a toss. Now it was our appointment list that dictated when should we meet. The meetings, the dates were no longer a byproduct of the need but were of convenience. 'Let's meet today as I'm free' he would say most of the times and no matter how much I tried to convince myself to give him the taste of his own medicine I always ended up being there scared that if I lost on this opportunity don't know when the next one would happen.

Just then my phone rang. A wave of relief washed over me. Probably he was here. "Jai, where are you? I've been waiting for an hour an half."

"Yaar, suddenly some important work has come up. For my new segment we are kind of interviewing people who can accompany me. How about if we make it tomorrow?"

I felt choked. I disconnected the phone in the middle. Tears had welled in my eyes. The waiter gave me a sympathetic look. I opened the menu and ordered a lavish dinner for myself with a glass of wine. With tears falling from my eyes, I kept on gobbling my food. My phone occasionally beeped citing that I was getting calls and messages from him but I didn't answer. I knew that after sometime he would stop and would resume his work and that's exactly what happened. The messages and the calls stopped leaving me alone, stranded in a beautiful restaurant where we were supposed to discuss about our future.

After tasting good mount of tears in my food, I left a massive tip to the waiter. His face lit up but seeing my so called waterproof eye liner smudged his enthusiasm dipped. I gave him a faint smile and left the restaurant. The valet had got my car and handed me the key. The drizzle had turned into a heavy downpour. I got into my car and drove away. Suddenly the melodious voice of Asha Bhosle made the atmosphere gloomier. I stopped my car at the side not because the rain was making it difficult for me to drive but my tears were blinding my vision.

My sobs turned into howls. I myself didn't know why I was reacting that way. It wasn't for the first time that he had changed a plan then what was different this time? However, I knew the answer but was just too scared to say that loud to myself. I didn't want a mushy affair but I definitely wanted his attention. I didn't want him to stop working but yes once a while I wanted him to choose me over his work. I didn't mind him travelling with his ultra sexy co-hosts but once in a blue moon I wanted to gaze at the stars with him. I didn't want to be the centre of his universe but I wanted to be a big part of his universe. I wanted him to understand that I wanted to meet him not because I had nothing else on my appointment list that day but because there was a dire need to be with him.

I cried for a long time. Finally I started my car again and drove to my house. My tears had dried up, my howls had stopped but the hurt was still there. The need was still there. The love was still there and no matter how angry I got I knew one thing for sure, it was never going to leave. I unlocked the door and freed my tired and aching feet from the stilettos. I undressed myself while walking towards my room and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked lost.

The cheeks that were full of colour just a few hours ago looked pale now. The eyes that danced with life were now smudged with leaking kajal and felt lifeless. The hair that had the power to entangle anybody in its locks seemed mindless knots now. Lips that were adorned with plum lipstick to have a soft and dewy effect now looked as if they were parched. Fresh tears welled in my eyes and I knew I had to turn away from the mirror before it showed me the reality. Absent mindedly I wore my oversize comfort shirt and curled on my bed. The phone beeped twice but I turned my back towards to it. That night my pillow became the shoulder I badly needed. Without any questions asked it let me cry as much as I wanted to.

The next morning even though I got up before time, still I called in sick. I stared at the ceiling for a long time. I wanted to check my phone for messages and missed calls but I knew I shouldn't because I would end up being weak again. I switched on the TV and got myself a cup of coffee. Even though it was a new day, still my heart was harboring the same pain. The doorbell rang and reluctantly I got up from my bed. I opened the door and there he was. Standing, looking tired. He looked at my disheveled state and appeared to be shocked. I was tired so I didn't resist him stepping inside the house. The moment he closed the door, I collapsed on the floor. The dam broke again and this time the waters were in no mood to stop. I felt him cradling me in his arms. He kept on murmuring things to me and I just kept on crying.