Panaah

           Night had fallen. The Sun was about to say goodbye and Moon was all set to make its presence felt. I was tired. Though I still hadn’t reached my home but today it didn’t matter. I was ready to halt anywhere. I could hear chirping of birds. It felt like they were also done for the day and were leaving for their respective homes. Home… what a soothing word it is. But what is actually the definition of home? I looked around. Alone. As usual. However, it didn’t affect me anymore like it used to before.

            My mind was telling me to keep on moving. It was sure, I would find my people. But my soul… my soul didn’t want to move a single step ahead. I found myself in front of him. Huge, scary, a bit worn and totally forlorn. I smiled. Finally I found someone who shared my traits. I was still contemplating whether to halt there or go in search for anything better when I heard clouds thundering. So, I was stuck. I nestled myself and waited. For what? Even I didn’t know.

            Heaven poured its wrath in terms of rain. I snuggled. ‘I don’t want to get wet; I don’t want to get wet.’ I was chanting this mantra. I was sure that nothing would be able to save me from getting drenched so I waited for the time when the rain would prove powerful and soak me completely. I looked around. Night had fallen, still my vision was clear. He who was my abode right now, stood all alone. A little far away from the rest. I could see a group standing a bit far away. I wanted to go to them, but didn’t. Why? Was it because it was raining or because he was making me contemplate? They were standing tall, yet united. They even swayed in rhythm, as if it was not a gust of wind that was blowing them but they were dancing to a waltz. I looked at him again and snuggled. Had it been anybody else, he would have surely got angry with me but he just stood right next to me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle. I looked at him closely and wondered what had he done to be outcasted? Why was it alone and not there with everyone else?

            I wanted to ask it loud, but then was scared. I tried to feel him and at once it felt like I had moved my fingers over thorns. It stung me as if giving me a warning that I shouldn’t try to come too close. I looked around. It was still pouring hard… so none of us had anywhere to go. I adamantly looked away and waited for the rain to stop so that I could put an end to the misery and walk away from him. Seconds passed, minutes flew. Unconsciously I felt my hand again moving on him. He did sting me again but not as badly as it was earlier. I kept on moving my hand and soon the sting started feeling like a tingle. He shook as if he didn’t like my touch. I knew I was being nosy but I couldn’t stop myself from admiring him. There was something about him that had me hooked and I couldn’t move away… as if it wasn’t gravity that was holding me but the sense that he was next to me.

            I had no idea when slumber engulfed me in its spell. By the time I woke up, it was dawn. Everything around me looked beautiful… looked new… as if the dullness was washed away by rain. I craned my neck and saw him where I had last seen him. Next to me. Quiet, forlorn yet welcoming. He was still quiet. I nuzzled my nose against him, but he stood as if it didn’t matter to him. It did hurt… a lot. But then why should it matter to him? I just met him last night and there was no way he would fall head over heels in love with me. Yet, I had. I looked at others. I could still see them. They looked welcoming but he… he felt like home. I got up and walked away. Didn’t turn back. Didn’t give me one last look. ‘He didn’t matter to me,’ I chanted this mantra and walked till he was out of sight.

            It was twilight. Everyone was going home. My feet ached and I couldn’t carry anymore. I saw myself standing in front of him once again. He looked at me adamantly as if he was angry at me. I looked at others and then back at him. He shook as if he was telling me to go for others who could give me what I wanted, but at the same time was vulnerable at maybe I was also giving up on him. I smiled and nudged my nose against him. I flew to the highest branch and started putting all the twigs together so that I could have a nice and cosy nest for myself. The branches shook again as if telling me to choose some other tree as this one had nothing to offer me. I was busy in making my nest and ignored its pleadings. It didn’t matter that my tree couldn’t bear fruits… that it was standing all alone; it was worn and no bird was ready to make its nest on my tree. I chose it despite of all its flaws because it gave me a feeling that no other tree had given me for long… home. I was in love with my tree and was going to stick around till the time my tree also started loving me back.