And I Found My Home...

A gentle tap on my shoulder reminded me that it was my turn to collect my boarding pass. I apologised to the people standing behind me and hurriedly collected my boarding pass. I tried to smile at the lady sitting on the counter, but it seemed like she was also angry with me. I smiled inwardly. It wasn't something new. Nowadays, I seemed to be rubbing wrong foot of everyone. With negligible baggage I was roaming on the airport when the sight of a coffee shop reminded me that I was hungry. As if my brain might not have registered the urge to eat something, without wasting a single second my stomach growled. I opted for a sandwich and a coffee. There was still sometime left for my flight to take off. I looked at my phone. There was no message or missed call. I felt sad but I guess I deserved this. My heart suggested me that I should buy a book so that my mind could stop scolding me but today I was in a mood to be scolded. As if whatever I had heard in few days, curses, scolding etc. were not enough. Though no one could hear it but I heard my heart asking me why was I hell bent on torturing myself? For the first time, my mind answered that at least someone would talk to this stupid girl.

            I love the combat that at times happen in between my mind and heart. It feels like I'm watching a Wimbledon match. My flight was announced and I walked towards the departure gate. Theatrically I looked back at my city before boarding my flight. I know it sounds cliché but for the first time I wanted that like Bollywood movies someone should come running for me begging me not to board the flight. I smiled at the obnoxious thought and boarded the flight. The aisle seat was occupied by a handsome hunk and I cursed my fate. I could hear my mind laughing at me and challenging me to keep at bay from such a delectable guy. Much to my annoyance, I started looking out of the window. The last thing I wanted in my life was another complication. The air hostess asked me to switch off my mobile phone. I wanted to tell her that whether on or off my phone won't made any sound. Thankfully I figured out the reason of her asking me for the same before I ended up making a clown of myself.

            By now I had established the guy sitting next to me had no interest in me. I was thankful as well as disappointed at the same time. So, now I had no other option but to look out of the window. The plane was still waiting for the final call to start the procedure of take off and in that moment I realized that my life had also become stagnant like this airplane. I was also waiting for final call before I could actually start moving. However, in my case I was clueless when I would be able to do so. The plane finally took off and my memories got a chance to take off too.

            My life wasn't like this three months ago. There was drama, love, ambition, dreams; in a nutshell everything that one would need in a Bollywood Tadka movie. Hailing from a family of doctors, I was the first and probably the only one who started her own PR Agency. My parents were disappointed but they somehow learnt to live with it. With erratic working hours, I preferred staying all alone. The actual reason wasn't hidden from my family. It wasn't that my privacy was evaded but I was somehow fed up of being told everytime that I have brought disgrace to the family of reputed doctors in my house. Moreover, having a house all by myself gave me the freedom I always craved for. Now I could come and go any time I want. Nevertheless, I never distanced myself from my parents and we both were happy in our own worlds.

            Things were going fine when two pole apart news shook my world. My parents made me meet their family friend's son (whom I had met on many occasions, still this meeting was very different from the rest). I had always liked Abhay. He was independent and a wow guy. Okay, you must be thinking what kind of quality is wow? Even though the first meeting was set up by my mother but I met him many times (in completely different situations- once when I was drunk like a fish, second- when I took him on a spontaneous trip to some tribal area etc, etc.) and he proved to be a wow guy every time. So, when the question was asked, I ended up saying yes in no time. My parents were happy for the first time by my decision. I was happy too. After all I was engaged to a guy who looked after my needs and for whom I was the center of his existence. That was all I needed right?

            Wrong. Even though my company was doing great, still due to one project I had to shift my base to Mumbai. Oh how I love this city. The news didn't go well with my parents but Abhay (being a wow guy) came to my rescue. He convinced my parents and just because their would be son-in-law was convincing them, they didn't think it would be right to defy him. So with my bags packed I moved to Mumbai. New life, new challenges and new people soon transformed me. When I talk about new people, I'm talking of a specific person- Akshat. By the way I used to (or should I say still) call him Aks- that means reflection. He was the first one whom my company hired. He was the Creative Head and was truly a genius. A man of spontaneity would be the right word for him. Most of the time I was blown away by his ideas. Being striking personalities, we never agreed on a same point and it was this thing that I felt was refreshing in our relationship. We both were dreamers and till the time both of us didn't join two different dreams and transformed into one we didn't rest.

            It had been six successful months and my company bagged an event of repute. So, a lavish party was thrown. Abhay specially flew from Delhi to be at my side and honestly I loved him for his gesture. Carefully dressed, I was ready to make the grand entry at my own party. Till then things were going on fine. I was happy that Abhay was right to me. I was happy that in another few months we would get married and Abhay had already applied for a transfer in his company. I WAS HAPPY. You must be thinking that why am I using SHOUTY CAPITALS? Well, because now if I turn back and review my life things were not as I had imagined them. We went to the party and I was introducing everyone to Abhay as my fiancé when my world stopped at a sight. Just few meters away from me Akshat was standing with a lady right next to him. I don't know what went wrong. But somehow we both were looking at each other like we had cheated each other. There was a common question burning in our eyes that needed no words or translator. It was as if we both were asking each other- Who is standing next to you and why?

            From there on things became complicated. I couldn't enjoy the party at all. I wanted to leave as I felt suffocated there. How the hell did that happen? Hold on let me think. Did anyone of us confess our love to each other? No. Did we start dating? Absolutely No. Did we have a fling? You got to be kidding. Amy kiss, touch or any advancement that would have led the other person thinking there was something? NO, NO, NO! Then why the hell did this happen? Why was I angry and he too? Why when both of us introduced our respective partners to each other the instant hate mirrored in our eyes? Why both of us said the name of our respective partners with extra sugary tone but when it came to greet the vice-versa partners the tone became venomous?

            The party ended thanks to my relief. I thought that the uneasy attention would become fine the next day but I was wrong. It didn't become fine but worsened. The next day we both were practically trying to pick up a fight with each other. Our disagreements occurred before also but not to such an extent that we could throw the other person from the balcony. My assistant, Varsha, suggested that we should go out and talk like civilized people as what was bothering us. I thought it was a good idea. But trust me it was the worst idea I ever had. I wondered what made me think that Varsha could suggest something good. Mumbai rains were at its peak and in such a romantic weather we couldn't find a table empty at any coffee joint. So, my house was the only option left to clear the air in between us.

            "Akshat, I just want to know what is wrong in between us?" I questioned while making coffee.

            "If by any chance, I had any idea Inayat I would have rectified it." Even he was clueless like I was. I handed him a cup of coffee and with great difficulty I continued, "Your girlfriend is really pretty."    

            He looked at me and with distaste evident in his eyes he spoke, "Oh so are we exchanging compliments now? Am I also supposed to say that your fiancé is very handsome?"

            "What the hell is your problem?" I literally slammed my cup on the table.

            "Hell if I know." He held his head in his hands. I could feel his vulnerability. It felt as if it was transferring to me. I got up and went to the balcony. The sky was pitch dark and the darkness could mirror what my insides were feeling. Even though he didn't make a sound still my body knew that he was standing mere inches away from me. Without facing him, I asked, "Can I hug you?"

            He didn't say anything for sometime and suddenly I felt his arms around me from behind. That was it. Without facing him I buried myself in his embrace. I got my answers and maybe he did too. That night was the most comfortable night I had ever lived. We just stayed in each other's vicinity. Somehow both of us made it sure that the other person was within an arm's length. While cooking he sat next to me all the time, while I was tidying my house he was within my reach. It was strange yet comforting. If by any chance any of us wasn't in other person's periphery a strange panic would engulf us, like we just now had realized that our existence was possible with the other person being near. That night none of us slept. With hands entwined we felt relaxed and scared for the new found emotion. From that day on nothing remained the same. We didn't talk about it. Not because we're afraid but because for the first time words weren't needed to describe what we're feeling. There was a weird but strong magnetic pull. We still fought with each other but at the same time a different emotion was also budding. After our hectic day, we often used to go and sit quietly with each other. The whole day my existence craved for voice but with him even my silence was beautiful.

            Time was flying by and none of us were ready to talk about what the future held for us. There was Abhay at one side who was not only my fiancé but someone whom I'd led on for a pretty long period of time and on other hand there was Aks who defined me, who my heart actually needed. You know there are times when you can't define why you like a particular person. This was same with me whenever I thought about Aks. What did I like in him? He was strong and independent; same as me but that wasn't a good thing because the clashes in between us used to be so extreme that we could murder each other. He didn't have a docile bone in him. He was a wanderer who breathed on adventure. But he made me feel like no one had ever done.

            The air hostess asked me if I needed anything. I wanted to ask for a tequila but all she could offer at that time was either juice or coffee. I opted for juice as I needed to keep my cool. My wedding was round the corner and that made Abhay visit me frequently. It didn't go well with Akshat. Though he never said anything but the anger, helplessness and frustration were visible on his face. The same way when he couldn't be with me and had to be with his girlfriend I felt the same emotions. One day out of sheer excitement that our turn over had crossed our expected gains, I called him up. His girlfriend answered his phone. It was then the reality hit me hard. What the hell was I doing? I gave her the message and kept thinking for long. His messages flooded my inbox but I didn't reply to any of them. By morning I had made up my mind.

            The landing out my flight was announced. I took my luggage from the belt and headed towards my hotel. I didn't wait to even change in my room. The weather was awesome and a stroll on beach was what I needed. I headed to Kavaratti beach as I had heard a lot about its pristine waters. There was not much life on the beach. Probably because it could rain any moment. I started walking and decided to complete the rerun of my life that was going on in the flight.

            The next day I left for Delhi. I told my parents that I couldn't marry Abhay. They were furious to the core. Seeing that the discussion was changing into argument, I decided to confront Abhay. I told him everything and confessed that I couldn't marry him. I told him that Akshat has penetrated so deep in me that even if I try I can never extract him out of me. He was hurt and disappointed but acted as wow guy. He didn't say anything just left me alone at the restaurant with my guilt and atonement. My father whose dreams I thrashed firstly by becoming a PR Agency owner and secondly by rejecting Abhay kind of cut all his ties with me.     

            I came back after few days and told Varsha that I would be going on for a leave. I never confronted Akshat. Never confessed anything, never demanded anything. My feet signaled me that I had walked quite far while reliving my past. I started walking back from where I started. I wasn't sad but was elated. It felt like I have seen the light others only wish to see. With a smile on my face that my feelings for Akshat were way beyond definition I walked barefoot on the sand. I was at ease with myself. Suddenly I found a figure walking towards me. There was distance in between us but even from far away I could make out the face.

            Seeing that face, I didn't halt nor ran to meet him. I kept on walking at my normal pace. By that time we had completed the distance in between us. I wanted to ask him how did he find me? Like he had already read the question in my eyes he spoke, "You told me once if you're ever lost you would be found here."

            This time also I didn't say or ask anything. Maybe because we got our answers. He was here and so was I. Suddenly I felt tired and sat down on the sand facing towards the sea. He also sat beside me and like the first night together our fingers entwined. We both were looking at the sea without uttering a word as if the sound of waves were questioning and answering for us. At last the journey has ended and we both have reached at our destination.