Slaves to Our Desires
I entered the hall and was greeted by an intoxicating fragrance of liquor and mouth watering cuisine. Looking around, everyone was dressed in designer gowns and for the first time I thanked heaven for my beautiful gown and muttered a curse for thinking that I could fit in here wearing my plain Jane business suit. But then I have no experience of such expensive and over the top parties. So, what kind of experience did I actually have?
Before I could answer that my introspective mood got a road breaker. "Hey Zenab, you are looking beautiful as usual." Somebody complemented me and all I could muster was a smile. I wanted to ask her what made her think that I looked beautiful? Was it my gown or was it me? Then I realized that in parties like this it is a social norm to complement each other. Most of the times these complements are sarcastic and other times its a surprise as how come could anyone afford such an expensive piece. To be honest, I hated these parties and most of the time I felt out of league. However, still I ended up coming to these parties every time. I quickly took a glass of wine. Even though my suffering veins wanted something strong still I didn't want to waste the opportunity of drinking whatever I could lay my hands on.
I scanned the room and even though I have been to such parties infinite number of times, I couldn't help myself from appreciating the grandeur. If price tags could be placed on everything, the sum total would be nothing less than whole economy of a 3rd world country. Expensive crystals, world class liquor, dishes that no one ever knew existed and what not. I needed some fresh air and the moment I was about to walk towards sanity, I was stopped once again. "Oh Zenab, how nice to see you. Frankly, I wasn't expecting you here considering the fact that you didn't come to Moolchandani's party."
There she was. Ayesha. A jewelry designer and wife of a billionaire. I've met her a number of times and went out for coffee with her still she makes me uncomfortable. "Hi," I airkissed her and replied, "I wasn't well last time." It was a lie that I spoke most of the time in order to miss these charades and by now everyone knows it that it is just another a lame excuse.
"So, how's your painting coming up?" I quickly drained the contents of my glass and looked out for another. Yes, I'm an artist, not struggling but neither accomplished. Nevertheless, the way these socialites utter words about beloved profession, it makes me feel like a dwarf.
"Its going good. Excuse me," without waiting for any other comment, I walked towards the open space for the much needed air that my lungs wanted. the night had fallen and balmy wind was blowing. I looked back at the party and found it going on in full bloom.
I looked at the people and realised how easily they were able to fit in whereas I was having panic attack. I wanted to go back to the calmness of my home and lose myself in my canvas and colors. I could have easily walked away had my eyes not found my reason to stay. It was none other than Prakul.
Prakul- the reason I always came to such parties even though I suffered mental agony. Prakul- whom I just couldn't refuse at all. Prakul- the guy with whom I'm madly and irrevocably in love. Prakul- who doesn't think of me anything more than friends-with-benefits but for me is the reason of existence.
Looking back I've no idea how two poles apart people fell for each other. Well, it would be wrong to say that he fell for me but now with 3 drinks down I can't think of any other word. Our meeting was also very unusual. He's a hotshot investment banker and I was a nobody artist. He had come in for an art exhibition of new talents where I had also featured 2 of my paintings and the next thing I knew was that my paintings were sold at a whopping price and the buyer wanted to meet me.
Rich, arrogant, ruthless and good looking were the traits that described him and I was someone who had vowed to stay away from such combination but then destiny plays its own role. Even before I could realise, we had become an item on every newspaper Page 3. Before I could realise, I had fallen in for him.
I needed another drink and thankfully got one too. Our relationship was different. No doubt like a normal couple he took me out for exotic vacations, shopping (even though I hated every moment of it) but I at times wanted his time and attention that he failed to provide me. Due to our differences, we fought more than we had beautiful moments but in the end he always got me back.
I spotted him talking to Tanya. She was daughter of a renowned businessman and I couldn't help seeing the similarity in between the two. It at times made me wonder what a girl like me was doing with him. He was engrossed in a deep conversation and might be discussing economy with her frankly about which I didn't understand a word. my head wobbled a little and I realised that with my 6th drink down I hadn't even had a morsel to eat. Scanning the venue again I came to know that everybody in the venue knew each other and it was where they were meant to be. Nobody came to knew that I wasn't among them for quite a long period of time. The fact that even Prakul didn't apprehend my absence did hurt a lot. Maybe it was a warning that I should put everything to an end before I got hurt anymore.
I felt the helplessness once again. I so wanted Prakul to just scan the room once and sense my absence. I wanted to see if he would be able to comprehend that I wasn't in the same room as he was. He was talking intently about something and was clearly centre of attraction. I wanted to go to my home and wanted to paint. I made up my mind and decided to discard my 7th crystal glass. I could have unceremoniously left it on pavement had my heart not clenched at the thought of something bad happening to it. I quietly put it at a corner where it was easily visible and was safe from any kind of accident.
I was about to get lost in the darkness when a familiar touch engulfed me in a hug. "You were about to run, weren't you?"
I wanted to cry at that moment but could only nod my head. "I knew it. I saw you standing here all the time by yourself and suddenly my body signaled me that you were about to run away."
I turned around and saw him watching me intently, "So, your eyes followed me?"
He smiled and my heart skipped a beat, "They never left you." With this we hugged and heart convinced me once again to stay.
Before I could answer that my introspective mood got a road breaker. "Hey Zenab, you are looking beautiful as usual." Somebody complemented me and all I could muster was a smile. I wanted to ask her what made her think that I looked beautiful? Was it my gown or was it me? Then I realized that in parties like this it is a social norm to complement each other. Most of the times these complements are sarcastic and other times its a surprise as how come could anyone afford such an expensive piece. To be honest, I hated these parties and most of the time I felt out of league. However, still I ended up coming to these parties every time. I quickly took a glass of wine. Even though my suffering veins wanted something strong still I didn't want to waste the opportunity of drinking whatever I could lay my hands on.
I scanned the room and even though I have been to such parties infinite number of times, I couldn't help myself from appreciating the grandeur. If price tags could be placed on everything, the sum total would be nothing less than whole economy of a 3rd world country. Expensive crystals, world class liquor, dishes that no one ever knew existed and what not. I needed some fresh air and the moment I was about to walk towards sanity, I was stopped once again. "Oh Zenab, how nice to see you. Frankly, I wasn't expecting you here considering the fact that you didn't come to Moolchandani's party."
There she was. Ayesha. A jewelry designer and wife of a billionaire. I've met her a number of times and went out for coffee with her still she makes me uncomfortable. "Hi," I airkissed her and replied, "I wasn't well last time." It was a lie that I spoke most of the time in order to miss these charades and by now everyone knows it that it is just another a lame excuse.
"So, how's your painting coming up?" I quickly drained the contents of my glass and looked out for another. Yes, I'm an artist, not struggling but neither accomplished. Nevertheless, the way these socialites utter words about beloved profession, it makes me feel like a dwarf.
"Its going good. Excuse me," without waiting for any other comment, I walked towards the open space for the much needed air that my lungs wanted. the night had fallen and balmy wind was blowing. I looked back at the party and found it going on in full bloom.
I looked at the people and realised how easily they were able to fit in whereas I was having panic attack. I wanted to go back to the calmness of my home and lose myself in my canvas and colors. I could have easily walked away had my eyes not found my reason to stay. It was none other than Prakul.
Prakul- the reason I always came to such parties even though I suffered mental agony. Prakul- whom I just couldn't refuse at all. Prakul- the guy with whom I'm madly and irrevocably in love. Prakul- who doesn't think of me anything more than friends-with-benefits but for me is the reason of existence.
Looking back I've no idea how two poles apart people fell for each other. Well, it would be wrong to say that he fell for me but now with 3 drinks down I can't think of any other word. Our meeting was also very unusual. He's a hotshot investment banker and I was a nobody artist. He had come in for an art exhibition of new talents where I had also featured 2 of my paintings and the next thing I knew was that my paintings were sold at a whopping price and the buyer wanted to meet me.
Rich, arrogant, ruthless and good looking were the traits that described him and I was someone who had vowed to stay away from such combination but then destiny plays its own role. Even before I could realise, we had become an item on every newspaper Page 3. Before I could realise, I had fallen in for him.
I needed another drink and thankfully got one too. Our relationship was different. No doubt like a normal couple he took me out for exotic vacations, shopping (even though I hated every moment of it) but I at times wanted his time and attention that he failed to provide me. Due to our differences, we fought more than we had beautiful moments but in the end he always got me back.
I spotted him talking to Tanya. She was daughter of a renowned businessman and I couldn't help seeing the similarity in between the two. It at times made me wonder what a girl like me was doing with him. He was engrossed in a deep conversation and might be discussing economy with her frankly about which I didn't understand a word. my head wobbled a little and I realised that with my 6th drink down I hadn't even had a morsel to eat. Scanning the venue again I came to know that everybody in the venue knew each other and it was where they were meant to be. Nobody came to knew that I wasn't among them for quite a long period of time. The fact that even Prakul didn't apprehend my absence did hurt a lot. Maybe it was a warning that I should put everything to an end before I got hurt anymore.
I felt the helplessness once again. I so wanted Prakul to just scan the room once and sense my absence. I wanted to see if he would be able to comprehend that I wasn't in the same room as he was. He was talking intently about something and was clearly centre of attraction. I wanted to go to my home and wanted to paint. I made up my mind and decided to discard my 7th crystal glass. I could have unceremoniously left it on pavement had my heart not clenched at the thought of something bad happening to it. I quietly put it at a corner where it was easily visible and was safe from any kind of accident.
I was about to get lost in the darkness when a familiar touch engulfed me in a hug. "You were about to run, weren't you?"
I wanted to cry at that moment but could only nod my head. "I knew it. I saw you standing here all the time by yourself and suddenly my body signaled me that you were about to run away."
I turned around and saw him watching me intently, "So, your eyes followed me?"
Nice !
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written !!
ReplyDelete